Warning: This blog is depressing and is more of a vent than anything...

This is Tatum. She's getting so big and making a ton of noise now. She hates to lay down, when you lay her down she lifts her head and her legs like she's trying to sit up. Hopefully she won't loose that ambition and she'll have abs of steel. Anyway, she's among the mess that is my room right now. In the very back you can see just two or three of the 17 text books I have for school. Yes people, 17. Some classes required 4 or 5 books!!!! Then there's the old school church tote which houses all my rolls and folders for Primary. I have not been able to volunteer to do anything above and beyond my regular responsibilities because I have been doing so much homework. Then there are the bags and bags of fleece blankets and hygine kits that the kids in the mentoring program have made. These are to be delivered to the highway patrol and to the Helper Mission as soon as the boss gives me the OK to take them. They've been in my trunk since before Christmas and I had to take them out so that I could get all my supplies into my trunk for the mess of an activity I supervised last night. More on that below.

This is going to be an extremely boring blog. I've just been so consumed with homework that absolutely NOTHING has been happening. That is, up until last night. So I got two assignments sent back to me because I forgot to put certain terms in my essay or I forgot to specify the grade on a worksheet I created. Anyway, so I'm all irritated about that, but what are you going to do?
Then, I held an activity last night with the mentors, youth and their families who participte in the mentoring program that I manage. So, the kids are being completely crazy and running around like maniacs. They wouldn't be quiet long enough for me to talk to them about goal setting and how to be successful at it. It would have taken 15 minutes tops, but instead it took about 5 because they just talked over me. No help from the parents either, and I was doing this activity alone. I had to haul in a roaster full of chili, 40 baked potatoes, and a cooler full of butter, cheese, sour cream, and a box full of supplies for the activity. We had those foam noodles to play games with and I tried to do some fun relay races and pass the noodle games, but they kept stealing them and putting them between their legs (if you know what I mean). Anyway, so I gave up on the lesson and the fun games and had them line up for dinner when one of the kids pukes on the floor. I just looked at his mom like "You know I'm not cleaning that up." So she did, and to be truthful, she was trying to control her kids but let's face it; they're not recommended for my program because they have a good handle on that sort of stuff. These are at-risk families and children. I won't go into details, but that should speak for itself.
Anyway, I felt like an utter failure. This is my 5th year with this program and suddenly I fall apart? Isn't this the way things go in your first month? I don't know, but last night was NOT fun.
So then, I start getting phone calls about one of the little girls in the primary in my ward. She's four. She died this morning at Primary Children's. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm in the primary presidency so I have to be involved in whatever needs to be done, and I'm one of the mother's visiting teachers. We're taking food in tomorrow. I'm not good at this sort of thing. I mean, would it help if I just went to their house and played the piano? That's about all I'm good for. Thankfully their family is very protective and I'm sure will have everything under control. We've been taking advice from a lady in our ward who has been director of a funeral home for as long as I can remember and she's been very helpful. I would just hate to say something insensitive or tacky, but I know that not saying anything isn't the way to go either, especially since I've known the mother since high school and I've known the daughter since she was in nursery with me. I feel like an ambulance chaser because I've been on the phone all morning with compassionate service, my visiting teaching partner, and the primary president.
As soon as I heard last night though I checked on my kids. Jolted me right out of my self absorption.